New Fan Works
Old Fan Works
By: Jenni, the Sage of Music and Writing
Note: If you're under the age of 13 please don't read one, there Way too much cursing, and bad jokes.
(Wierd talk show music comes one)
Zelda: Hello everybody, and welcomr to The Peu, I'm Zelda
Mia: My name is Mia, and i was the Princess of Termanis, until one day....
Lara: Shutup no one whats to here your life story. Hi, my name is Lara and im the Princess of the Gerudos.
Malon: Howdy ya'll, My name is Malon and i live in Lon Lon Ranch.
Ruto: And my name is like PRINCESS Ruto, and im like the Princess of the Zoras
Mia: Do you "like" have to say "like" after "like" everyword. (Mimicking Ruto)
Ruto: Listen BITCH, you better shut you big mouth, before i come across this table and slap you.
Mia: Bring it on you Smelly Fish
(Mia and ruto begin to exchange fighting words)
Zelda: Girls stop, lets just get on our first topic.
Ruto: Forget those stupid topics, There like sooooo gay. Lets bring out those sexy Links.
Lara: Yo, back away from them, there our boyfriends.
Ruto: Not after they like see me. (Takes out a mirror and begins to admir herself)
Lara: Do you WANT to start a fight with me.
Ruto: BRING IT ON BITCH.
Zelda: GUYS, STOP IT. Here are they, Water Link, Fire Link, And Link.
(They all walk in from back stage, as they come in, all the girls in the audience, begin to scream bloody murder, this causes Fire Link to stop in his tracks and start doing some sexy poses, cause girls to faint. Finally he stops, and there all able to go to there girlfriends. Fire Link sits next to Lara, Water Link Next to Mia, and Limk next to Malon)
Lara: Are you trying to piss me off, because its working.
Fire Link: What am i doing now?"
Lara: Your showing off like you always do.
Fire Link: So?
Lara: SO!!!! I hate when you do that i am suppose to be your girlfriend and all you do is flirt with other girls, and its pissing me off.
Fire Link: (sacasticly) Oh im sooo sorry.
Lara: OK THATS IT, noe im really mad at you.
Fire Link: WHAT DID I DO NOW!
Lara: Forget it Fire Link, im going to my dressing room, dont follow me
( She gets up and walks away)
Mia: Ok that was a Jerry Springer moment, but anyway lets go to our questions of the day. This is to Malon. Who would you like to sleep with?
Malon:(Turns bright red, and glances at her boyfriend) Well ya'll, i would like to sleep with......
Fire Link:Me me i no, i no who Malon would like to sleep with, me me pick me.....
Mia: FIND! Who does MAlon what to sleep with?
Fire Link: Malon, whats to sleep with.......................(Pause)........a HORSE!
MAlon: That is NOT TRUE
Fire Link: Oh, yea sorry. let me correct myself, YOu already had sex with a horse, MAlon is a Horse Fucker.
Malon:(at the verge of crying) That is soo not true, why would you say such a thing.
Link:( Cracking up) Thats funny, a Horse Fucker, funny.
MAlon: Link, how can you be so cruel its not funny, its mean.
Link: What now I cant laugh at a joke.
Malon: It wasnt funny.
Link: You never let me do anyrhing, you rule my entire life, i can get somebody better than you.
Malon: I'll like to see you try
Link: Find i can find someone right now.( he gets up and walkes over to Zelda, grabs her by the hand and pulls her too him and kisses her, and she kises back)
Malon: ok Link, you had your fun, now come back....................(Still kissing).... Link come to me.
Ruto: Thats like not gonna happen.
Water Link: Can you two get a room, please and do us that favor.
(Link and Zelda get a room)
Fire Link: Wow Water Link Said something smart for once.
Water Link: What?
Fire Link: I spoke to soon!
Lara: Im back after doing some thinking...Fire Link...i think that we should...
Fire Link: Wait, before you say anything else, i will like to say, im really sorry for what i did, and ill try to stop, i was wrong and im sorry if i hurt up, so you forgive me.
Lara:(Smiling, because of how nice he was acting) i forgive you.
( they hugged eachother)
Ruto: She is such like a sap.
Lara: (wait, nothing to say, to busy making out with Fire Link)
Mia: Well, lets get Ganondoft out here.
( Ganongoft comes out, everyone boos)
Mia: So Ganondoft, this question had been pestering me for a long time, why are you Green?
Ganondoft: When i was two, i fell into waterproff quick drying paint.
Mia: oh, were you fuckin brain dead when you did.
Ganondoft: Are you a fuckin pussy.
Mia:( kicks ganondoft in the dick, and a yell of pain comes out) Thats what you get you stupid @%#%#$%#$$#!#@!$!$.
Network: Sorry for that but it was getting outta hand, umm back to the show.
Mia: Great my great sceen and they block those curses, Mother Fuckers.
Fire LInk: Malon, do you fuck cows too
Malon: NO stop leave me alone
Fire Link: How about chickens
Water Link: CHICKENS! Wherea the chicken, i what to pet the chicken, Chicken here chicken
Mia: HONEY! STop, there are no chickens.
Water Link: Fuck!
Fire Link: Speaking of Fuck, i wonder how Zelda and Link are doing.
Malon: I DONT WANNA TALK ABOUT THAT, LETS CHANGE THE SUBJECT!!!!!
(Sniff, Sniff, NO NOT CRYING)
Mia: Fire Link, what the fuck are you doing.
(Fire Link was space out)
Water Link: OH NO, his brain has been abducted by the umm (takes the piece of paper from fire Links hand) POT PEOPLE, from the planet, POTTER.
Ganondoft: He is a POT HEAD YOU IDIOT.
Fire Link: (Begins to act like Richard Simmions) Look at me im a pony, ima pony, and one and two and three and floor,( He collapes on the floor)
Lara: OH great, my boyfriend is also a pot head
Water Link: And dont you forget an person you drinks alot of alcohol.
(Sniff Sniff, NOT CRYING)
Ganondoft and Fire Link: (Both high right now) OOOOOOOO GIVE ME A HOME WERE THE BUFFOLO GROW, WERE THE DEERS AND ESKOMOS PLAY, WERE SELDOM IS HEARD, AND HEROS DO DOPE, AND FARM GIRLS FUCK HORSEs ALL DAY!!!
Malon: i hate you alll (runs out of the room crying)
Ruto: What like a baby, i mean he is like on dope so she should like no he is like not knowing what he is saying.
Lara: WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Mia: OK that is this show is such fuckin gay , all the people are doin are fucking each outhe and smoking dope, and every other word is fuck!!!!. IM outta hey, come one water Link, lets go to the mall, you have to buy me something for this one.
Water Link: Ok Lets go.
Ruto: Like Bye
Lara: Fire Link I'M LEAVING YOU!!!!!!!!!!!
(Fire Link and Ganondoft remain)
Fire Link: I quiting this shit, if smoking pot and drinking means loseing her then im quitting.
Ganondoft: Loving you is easy cause your beautiful
Fire Link: What the fuck! ( runs outta of the room)
Ganondoft: Wait my love ( Runs out after him)
(Zelda and Link are finally done, damn!)
Zelda: Well this turn out ok i guess
Link: Yea, hey your good.
Zelda: Thanks Link, but as long a my father NEVER EVER find s out what we did, then were ok
Link: Right were too young to die.
King Of Hyrule: (Comes up behind Zelda and Link) I Saw the WHOLE SHOW!
Zelda and Link: Oh FUCK